Zombie keyboard cat
Today, during a brief pause in my hugely important work schedule, I discovered that my keyboard contained precisely the right ingredients to make a cat. It would, admittedly, be a crap cat – mostly hair and skin and almost certainly a zombie – but I’m pretty sure it was all there. Once complete, the cat, who I have provisionally named ‘Curtis Tiger’ will live on my shoulder and be trained to attack anyone who:
a) Wakes me up during meetings
b) Disagrees with anything Curtis Tiger or I say, or questions the ethics of feline necromancy during working hours
c) Questions the wisdom of bringing me tea at intervals that I will specify. Curtis Tiger will have blood. (‘Curtis Tiger will have blood’ is going to be the name of my first album as soon as my rockstar potential has been tapped.)
d) Questions my rockstar potential
e) Writes their name with little hearts over the i’s.
Bear this in mind and you’ll be fine.