Ten (10) fun facts about bureaucracy

Some fun facts about bureaucracy:

1: The word ‘bureaucracy’ is a copulative compound noun combining ‘bureau’, meaning drawers, and ‘racy’, denoting a particular kind of underpant (esp. rubber). The letter ‘c’ was added in 1762 to allow the word to spin round and round when ‘affix’d to the forehead of a commoner by use of tack or screw’.

2: Father Christmas is a bureaucrat. He still makes his own list. It is checked twice, but he generally gets a temp’ to do it and they’re crap. This is why I never got a mountain bike.

3: Every single organisation in the world with a workforce of over 100 people has a ‘Form 72’. Nobody knows who created it, how to complete it or where to send it. If you fill it in wrong, you will be fired.

4: Jesus was born while his parents were on their way to submit data. The consequent delay to the census was not mentioned in the bible, but it caused considerable inconvenience.

5: The singular of data is datum. Before becoming a data manager, I started out as a datum manager. I managed the number 12.4 and held the key to the cupboard where all the percentage signs were kept.

6: The pleural of scrotum is scrota. You should use this in scrabble.

7: There is nothing in the world worth knowing that can be sensibly illustrated with an exploded, 3-D pie chart.

8: Every time a pie chart is pasted into a presentation, a fairy dies.

9: Depressed fairies have been known to self-harm with scatter plots.

10: If it takes a team of people one week beyond the deadline you agreed with them to report that a number is the same as it was last month, you are allowed to report this to your board as a series of pasted bitmap images of genitals. This is enshrined in natural law.

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About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

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