I appreciate it’s Christmas and all that, but your recent behaviour has not gone unnoticed. I was willing to overlook a bit of exuberance but, since you invited your friends, the moobs, to stay, it’s all got a bit much. In the spirit of the season, I have made reasonable adjustments and did not hesitate in meeting your request for elastic and antacids, but enough is enough.
If you continue in this course of action, I will be forced to cut off the supply of fruit and vegetables that you and the government are so enthusiastic about.
I need to go now because I want to eat another packet of jelly tots before I go to bed.