New Year – Same Brain
It’s that time of year again. I’ve spent the last week pickling you in booze and giving you free rein to ruin my body with festively shaped chocolates, but enough is enough. Now I need you to agree to a series of enormous changes for which you are neither prepared nor equipped. I know you probably don’t want to be my brain, but we’re stuck with each other
until I can figure out a way to install the one I harvested from that hitchhiker.
Now, I appreciate that there are things that you don’t want to do, like working or exercising or not eating that eighth bag of M&Ms, but we need to come to some sort of compromise. I need you to do what I say, when I say it. Procrastination may seem like a good idea but… hang on… there’s a spider on that wall over there… I wonder what it tastes like…
Also, I don’t have a problem with you playing the same, distracting song repeatedly in the background while I’m trying to work. I just wonder why it always has to ’99 Luftballons’.
People keep telling me ‘All things in moderation’, but that seems a bit excessive. You don’t want to overdo the moderation. I reckon I’ll do some things in moderation and everything else to wild excess. While singing show tunes. Naked.
That is all.