New Year – Same Brain

Dear Brain

It’s that time of year again. I’ve spent the last week pickling you in booze and giving you free rein to ruin my body with festively shaped chocolates, but enough is enough. Now I need you to agree to a series of enormous changes for which you are neither prepared nor equipped. I know you probably don’t want to be my brain, but we’re stuck with each other until I can figure out a way to install the one I harvested from that hitchhiker.

Now, I appreciate that there are things that you don’t want to do, like working or exercising or not eating that eighth bag of M&Ms, but we need to come to some sort of compromise. I need you to do what I say, when I say it. Procrastination may seem like a good idea but… hang on… there’s a spider on that wall over there… I wonder what it tastes like…

Also, I don’t have a problem with you playing the same, distracting song repeatedly in the background while I’m trying to work. I just wonder why it always has to ’99 Luftballons’.

People keep telling me ‘All things in moderation’, but that seems a bit excessive. You don’t want to overdo the moderation. I reckon I’ll do some things in moderation and everything else to wild excess. While singing show tunes. Naked.

That is all.



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About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

12 responses to “New Year – Same Brain”

  1. Cindy L Riemersma says :

    This is incredible! I can so relate. As a matter of fact, would you mind if I use your idea to write my own brain a letter? I promise you the only thing that would be the same is the Dear Brain; otherwise, what would follow, well, I don’t want to spoil it…my brain, I mean.

    • Squid says :

      I think you should absolutely write your brain a letter. If it’s anything like mine, it probably doesn’t get out much so it’ll enjoy the attention. Blog away!

  2. Red says :

    Love this. Stop by my Green Room and leave a link to your blog.

  3. Let's CUT the Crap! says :

    I like how you think.!

  4. JamieRene says :

    My brain likes to sing “Dude looks like a lady” while I’m trying to sleep. I feel your pain. Let me know if you find a solution to this problem.

  5. Elyse says :

    My brain wants to do what it wants when it wants. SO we are clearly related.

    I found your blog through Red’s. Funny spot! Glad I stopped by.

    Happy New Year!

  6. S says :

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Thanks for dropping by my blog 🙂

  7. Déjà Vu - The Blog says :


    Me and my brain need to have a talk too…

    Happy New Year!


  8. chaconrafa says :

    Great! !

  9. The Guat says :

    Very amusing 🙂

  10. Dana C Thomas says :

    God I needed a good laugh! Thanks for that.

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