Olympic Preparations

Dear Olympics Committee

At first, I was worried about the Olympics coming to London but have since been reassured that they do not carry rabies and the last recorded case of an Olympic eating a human was in 1976. And that was only because the human was poking it with a stick.
As a resident of London, I will be happy to look after a couple of visiting Olympics while they wait to do their gymnastics, or whatever. Will my shed be suitable accommodation or do they prefer to live in hedgerows?




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About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

6 responses to “Olympic Preparations”

  1. tootlepedal says :

    Olympics eat money. Give them several million and they will be quite happy anywhere.

  2. Flannery says :

    And they’re sweaty buggers.

  3. Let's CUT the Crap! says :

    Olympics aren’t like people. They’re MACHINES made of bone and hard muscules. They’re hard-pressed to think of anything but winning. I feel sorry for them.

  4. Red says :

    I think your shed may be a bit spacious. I hear they are accustomed to living out of a gym bag or other such smallish duffle.

  5. bmj2k says :

    It really depends on which species of Olympics you are talking about. The Northern Spotted Olympic has very specific dietary and steroid needs, for example.

  6. Rowland Jones says :

    Dear Alex,

    I’m sure that the shed will be more than adequate, however I have read certain details concerning various strains of Olympics which have alarming characteristics. The Greek variety is virulent and as well as claiming one human life per day also was capable of destroying a national economy. The Atlanta variety however was a very different variety- olympus opulentis- which I believe was entirely supported by coke (in one form or another….) There was, of course, the 1936 variety which began the tradition of the torch travelling around the world – which the protagonists then followed by attempted world domination…….

    The spirit of the Olympics,
    Best of luck,

    For further reading – – –


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