Mental separation

Dear Hindbrain

It has recently come to my attention that, despite your proximity to my Forebrain, the two of you have been operating quite separately and without the sort of helpful collaboration I expect.
While Forebrain always keeps me in the loop about what it’s doing, you increasingly resort to waking me up at absurd times of the night to alert me to problems that could have been addressed over tea and muffins the previous day.
If this behaviour continues, I shall be forced to employ a veritable truckload of narcotics to summon you, in the form of my penguin spirit guide, for a damn good talking to.

Sincerely yours,



About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

11 responses to “Mental separation”

  1. kianys says :

    Hah! I think our minds might be distantly related or something… . This does sound too familiar!

    🙂 K.

  2. H.E. ELLIS says :

    Sadly, mine NEVER wakes me up. Even when I have to go pee. Oh the shame.

    • Squid says :

      H.E. – That sounds lovely. Presumably you time your last pee of the day strategically, to ensure that the results of your enuresis have ample drying time before you wake up. Otherwise, I can recommend a simple contraption involving a funnel, a hose, and a lot of duct tape. I call it the Peebegone (patent pending).

  3. Elyse says :

    I think the problem is that you must rotate your brain 90 degrees. You are supposed to have a right part and a left brain that keep track of shit. Instead, you have a forebrain and a hindbrain. What do you expect?

    • Squid says :

      I can imagine the autopsy now:
      “Well, there’s your problem – his brain’s all sideways.”
      “By God, you’re right! It’s got a front and a back instead of a left and a right.”
      “That’ll be why he jumped out of the window wearing nothing but a cape and a beanie hat with a propellor on top.”
      “Excellent work, Doctor. Lunch?”
      “Absolutely Doctor. Mine’s a double.”

      • Elyse says :

        And you don’t want to give those stupid doctors any amo. Perhaps you could spin your body counterclockwise while I hold your head.

  4. Lori Romano says :

    Haha! This post cracked me up because I know exactly how this feels! You’ll have to let me know if the letter writing worked to help whip that hindbrain into shape. If so, I may have to give it a try myself. 🙂

  5. totsymae1011 says :

    This is me lately and I’m none to happy about the arrangement.

  6. midostudio says :

    Pardon my english, but I should point out the paradox here: The very problem you confront with is from another perspective the solution to what could have been a series of hasty decisions which lead to some less fortunate events that would have eventually ruined your previous day, over the tea and muffins.
    Or it could just mean that the brain shows a much more intense activity while you are asleep than when you are awake.

    Nevertheless, I like your approach better.

  7. Janet Ponce says :

    That is so funny!! Ur like amazing. How the heck do you come up with such witty, insane, randomness that still manages to make sense in daily life? Are you like secretly a genius..

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