Cleaning for gentlemen
1. Regard dwelling with satisfaction, noting superior collection of blu-rays/books/empty vodka bottles.
2. Receive verbal instructions from Significant Female.
3. Drop half-eaten sandwich on floor and regard significant female with affectionate disbelief.
4. Attempt to paraphrase Quentin Crisp on dust not getting any worse after three years.
5. Attempt to apologise for flippant attitude to health of Significant Female, and/or Significant Young People.
6. Realise vacuum cleaner is effectively
a power tool.
7. Attach hose extension and realise vacuum cleaner is also a light sabre.
8. Vacuum bottom ten inches of curtains, own face and entire roll of toilet tissue.
9. Congratulate self on being Master of All He Surveys.
10. Noting imminent return of Significant Female: vacuum house like a crazy bastard. Relegate three fifths of collected crap to loft/garage/shed/high cupboard that Significant Female can’t reach.
11. Congratulate self on Modern Gentleman status.
12. Finish sandwich.