Dear popular vampires
You are terrible vampires. No offence, but you’re a disgrace. Real vampires are all like “Raaargh!” with really good coats. They don’t sparkle and they certainly don’t knock up vulnerable teenagers, unless it’s all part of a ploy to make them taste better for the inevitable “Raaargh!”.
You see? Eating vulnerable teenagers = good vampire. Getting them pregnant = creepy vampire.
I don’t care if you are the living dead. Just try to have a bit of class about it. Kay? Kay.
All the best for your future endeavours.