Buttons (probably part 1)
Buttons are great fun until you accidentally press the one that makes your legs explode. It pays to know your buttons. I’ve done the research:
Ctrl C – Ctrl V makes the myriad intellectual wonders of the interwebs appear on your page. Also works for pictures of hippopotami.
Ctrl Z coaxes your heart out of your throat after you accidently replace your entire thesis (Ethnomusicological implications of jungle-dubstep-house fusion in the 21st century) with a hippopotamus
Ctrl-Alt-Delete… Ejector seat!
The 26 buttons with the alphabetical symbols can by pressed sequentially to produce the complete works of Shakespeare. More often, the sequence results in “lol I pwn you!!!” or similar.
For most of us, the row of buttons at the top of the keyboard is too powerful to control, even with the Ctrl button, which is why they are labelled F – for fear. They do different things, depending on what you’re up to at the time. Which means they know what you’re thinking. They probably don’t approve.
Under normal circumstances, F1 will summon help. This is why mountaineers always carry an F1 button. Pressing Shift and F1 might make a race-car appear, so you should only do it if you have room.
Every time you press F2, a fairy dies. Don’t let me stop you – just saying.
I haven’t figured out what F3 does but I think that if you press it enough times, it makes a rainbow of unadulterated joy shoot out of your screen, transforming everything around you into a sparkly wonderland of singing baby unicorns and cheesecake. It just seems logical.
F4 is known in serious technoguru circles as the necromancy button. It gathers all the skin and hair that collects between the keys and turns it into a tiny, zombie cat (called Curtis). All software developers have at least one of these to fill in their timesheets and to attack anyone who criticises their choice of font.
I’m afraid I’ll have to finish this later. It’s time to feed the dog. To Curtis.
About AlexI am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.
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