Anxiety is like chasing one-legged vampires – You spend all night frantically going round in circles and in the morning you realise the problem doesn’t even exist.
You know what it’s like, trying to get to sleep when you start wondering if your eyebrows are going to fly up your nose and suffocate you during the night? Nobody knows exactly how many deaths have been caused that way, because the eyebrows have always crawled back by morning. Sneaky little bastards.
Then I start worrying that we’ll run out of internet. Has anyone done a report about that? Someone really should. I bet if someone had done a report about 8-tracks or velociraptors or druids, then we wouldn’t have run out so quickly and we might still have enough to go around. We’d probably have to ration the velociraptors to one per family, but at least we could race them on weekends.
I’m also concerned about the atmosphere blowing away, what with the Earth zooming around in space the way it does. I’ve been practicing holding my breath and I’m up to three minutes, so I should have time to get indoors when it happens.
And what if the blogosphere collapses and all of these posts go flying around with no webbing to restrain them? We’ll all just be walking around the shops, minding our own business, when a huge swarm of viral memes comes and carries off our children. We need to stop creating memes, people! Think of the children!
About AlexI am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.
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