I’d make a brilliant ninja. (Or is the singular actually ninjum? One ninjum – many ninja, like data. Probably not. I wish it was).
After months of ninjum training on the treadmill, I can now do about twenty lengths, back and forth, without stopping. I think this should qualify me for some sort of traineeship at least.
I am skilled in the use of the sword and even occasionally use the fword, which is much worse.
I do have some qualms about assassinating people, but I’m sure we can come up with a compromise. Perhaps, having intimidated them with my reckless use of the fword, I could theatrically threaten a small dog (who I would cunningly conceal about my person and who would also be a highly skilled ninja) unless they agreed to a strict plan of self-improvement. That’ll work.


Tags: , , ,

About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

25 responses to “Ninjum”

  1. WSW says :

    I don’t believe you can apprentice as a ninja; rather, I seem to recall that they use a merit badge system, much like the Boy Scouts. Clearly mastery of the treadmill, sword and fword are crucial, but I think you may need to earn the menacing stare and fashioning your own balaclava (or was that baklava?) badges before they’ll let you “fly up” as it were to full Chuck Norris status. At least that’s how it works over on this side of the pond.

  2. B Gourley says :

    I am amused.

  3. sweetsound says :

    Just when I’m feeling all hopeless about stuff, I read this post and realize, who gives a shit. I love your thinking, and thanks for making me laugh.

  4. raburcke says :

    Are you competing with me for my title of Master of Drivel! You better watch it…

  5. dysfunctional unit says :

    Nice-still lol’ing as it were. Though i find myself wondering if you perhaps have posted any youtube fword demonstrations?

  6. aquatella says :


    Try with “I know karate, tae kwon doe, capoeira, kung fu, jiu-jitsu, judo, muay-thai (mai tai too) and other 47 dangerous words”.

    Works every time;-)

  7. bacchus713 says :

    all you need now is ninja stars. I think they sell them at “Ninjas R Us”.

  8. sporepigfish says :

    I think becoming Ninja involves tying giant lead balls on your feet and trying to jump out of a hole in the ground first. Ninja are supposed to be able to get on the roof easy.

  9. edrevets says :

    Only ninjas know there’s a ninja standing right behind them.

  10. Cliff Reinitz says :

    If you would like to put your last plan into practice, I have a small dog who is highly skilled both in taekwondo and in cleaning up his own mess. He can be yours for the low low price of $874,000.

  11. Anette says :

    Dear Ninjum,
    Do you offer your premium service abroad? My Financial Advisor needs some serious ninjuming. Please advice.

  12. rae marie says :

    The plural of ninja, is ninja. 🙂

  13. TheStrugglersHandbook says :

    I nominated you for the ABC Award, which may or may not be the most important award given to bloggers. Fame and fortune are but a click away. Or not.

  14. witnessthefire says :

    I Love To Be A Ninja 😀

  15. PurpleButterflies says :

    Dude, I’m proper LOLing in my room!! You’re not serious man…Absolutely funny stuff!!Love it!! 😀

  16. artjen1971 says :

    I nominated you for several awards! Check out my Liebster Blogger Awards part III page to see them!

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Double Up « Momma's Money Matters - February 24, 2012
  2. Double Up | Momma's Money Matters - March 17, 2012

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: