Beware: Apostrophosis

IMPORTANT SCIENCE NEWS

Recent neuropathological studies into the misuse of apostrophes have overturned the old classroom adage: ‘if in doubt – leave them out’.

A new study by Venkman and Spengler has proven that all those orphaned apostrophes collect in an area of the brain known as ‘The Area of Jones’.

When Jones Area (shit) reaches capacity; it invariably ruptures, releasing thousands of furious apostrophes into the brain, where they pair up to become inverted commas, leaving the victim unsure of what’s “real” and what “isn’t”.

And taking the top off your head doesn't help.

Apostrophes:

If in doubt…

they’ll eat your brain.

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.Next: What happens if you forget to use your colon.

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About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

9 responses to “Beware: Apostrophosis”

  1. Valentine Logar says :

    Gad, I am nearly 55 can you imagine how many orphans I have up there.

  2. Angeline M says :

    I can’t wait for the next installment.

  3. Anthony Donnelly says :

    If it eats your brain too much, you run for President of the US…

  4. Sheila T Illustrated says :

    I may have hit critical mass. Can’t wait for your colonosophy!

  5. Let's CUT the Crap! says :

    What kind of doctor did you say you were? I can’t share such personal information with just anyone. But…those apostrophies are really bothering me…Please do not tell anyone etc. You are a doctor of some kind. . . aren’t you?

  6. paywindow7 says :

    Yes, just another vivid example of the consequences that can be expected when punctuation is left to run rampant, without proper observation. When it’s left on it@s own unchecked by certfied and licensed monitors.’ Only tragedy kan be expected>/ International studies! have shown that :: the apostrophy is,,, by it’s very nature devious?# and prone to mis’direction making it extremely dangerous<<<<<;;;;;;on it7s face.
    May we have a quiet moment for reflection please%^&**(

    signpilot or AKA Bob Cloud(on some police blotters)

  7. Technospunky says :

    Reblogged this on Technospunky blah blah blogging on wordpress and commented:
    Dampsquid does it again… Laughter is good

  8. DandyLion says :

    You see, holding in all these apostrophes (and commas) is bad for you, I’ve always known this!! One time it led me to go on an apostrophe binge “which’ ma’de e’verything’ lo’ok like’ this’s’

  9. Elyse says :

    I hate those SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSessssss

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