Crimes against humanity

Dear The Law

I think it’s lovely that you’ve made up all those rules about not bludgeoning each other to death unless we’re absolutely sure no one’s looking, not taping songs off the radio and making sure we pay all the taxes unless we’re really, really rich. So, thanks for that.

Now you’ve sorted out the basics, I reckon it’s time for a look at the important stuff.

Like, these people who write blogs about blogging. They seem harmless, but it’s only a matter of time before they refer back to their post about writing a blog about blogging, therefore blogging about blogging about blogging about blogging. All physicists everywhere agree that the resulting wormhole will cause an influx of militant space gerbils to annihilate humanity. Is that what you want? Didn’t think so.
Also, I suspect many of these meta-bloggers actually are militant space gerbils. It’s obvious when you think about it – all those typo’s are inevitable when you have to run up and down the keyboard with a miniscule grenade launcher strapped to your back. Try it – you’ll see I’m right.

Also, fax machines.

Okay, thanks



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About Alex

I am an Excel spreadsheet that gained sentience back in 2000.

18 responses to “Crimes against humanity”

  1. stuartart says :

    You make a valid point, but here’s the thing – due to the spacetime continuum being non-directional humanity has already been annihilated by space gerbils, and hasn’t. So on a legal standpoint it’s unclear how or who to charge and for what.

  2. the howler and me says :

    are the fax machines in league with the militant space gerbils? Because I believe they might be…

  3. hno3burns says :

    I always knew there was something strange about fax machines. Ever notice how when you dial a fax # instead of a phone # it screeches at you? – angry gerbils.

  4. kato writes says :

    so glad I’m not alone with my aversion to blogs about blogs about …

  5. Honjii says :

    Even more egregious than blogging about blogging is commenting about blogging about blogging.

  6. mackerelskies says :


    I see you are a militant space gerbil disguised as a damp squid. Not to worry! I am willing to keep quiet and work for your side – for a price*.

    *No, the price is not payable in space nuts.

  7. Karen Wan says :

    Reblogged this on Writing Your Destiny and commented:
    I just liked the humor in this blog today, and thought some of you might enjoy the humor about people who write blogs about blogging. I needed some dampsquid humor as my air conditioner is not working and it’s expected to be very hot in the high 90’s F.

  8. DandyLion says :

    Don’t hate on the gerbils. they’re just doing their job.

  9. susannecollier says :

    Er…isn’t this a blog about blogging?

  10. Let's CUT the Crap! says :

    Haven’t seen you in eons. Did the space gerbils get you? If so, I’m glad you escaped!

  11. Todd says :

    Okay. You don’t qualify for this award. But if you suddenly shed 937 followers you’re in. See what you’re missing by not qualifying for the Liebster Blog Award at The gerbils took it through the wormhole. Be glad.

  12. Bowie Zoe says :

    Dear mr. Damp, I have loved your blog since I found it a little over 6 months ago, now I have a magazine called Muse and the Mode that is distro’d in Spokane WA and the surrounding area. I would be over joyed if you would agree to us putting some of you blog posts in the mag. Please understand we are NEW which translates to a crap load of talent and passion but relatively poor. If you allowed us to do this we would make you look cool in the mag( like ya are in your blog) and send you a copy of the mag every other month (bimonthly) we would also divert readers to your blog. Please email me if interested in doing this or I will push F2 until all the fairies die.

  13. gabrielgarbowota says :

    Ahhhh this is the exact kind of piquant, ironic piece of commentary I have come to relish from your blog. Thank you for feeding my habit. I don’t know how you make these pieces sound so oblivious, when they are obviously so well-composed. Hmmm. Deal with the devil?

  14. Miz. Kyrte says :

    You not posting since the 11th day of June is a crime against humanity.

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